Transformation

I so rarely write at my desk at home because it is so rare that I’m actually here. But I am, and so is the inspiration to write, so I will.

I never used to write at this desk because it was so cluttered. Art projects, magazines, clean laundry—heck, dirty laundry— all of it just sort of piled up. I didn’t really notice the mess at first, it just kind of happened. Little by little though, realization dawned, and each time I passed my desk, I tried to clear a part of it off. I wanted to make a space for myself to work at it. I wanted to see what my desk really looked like underneath it all.

I was lucky enough to have someone do for me what I did for that desk. Someone took the time to clear the clutter off of me to see what I really looked like underneath it all.

Just because somebody can’t love you right now, doesn’t mean that they never did, or that they never will. I feel like sometimes, I get so caught up in thinking that everyone’s life moves in this linear, predictable fashion, when really, we’re just multi-colored beads on the tracks of those rainbow-coated-wire-contraptions in the dentist’s office waiting room. We could be ships, or trains, or airplanes: we’re all going somewhere, but we’ve all got our own paths to take. These paths could cross again, or they might not. We’re all travelers in this life.

As it turns out, children's toys serve as great metaphors for my life. 

            Sometimes, I forget that just because something’s happened once, doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. Like a book, we can be read and re-read. Sometimes, it’s by the same person. Sometimes, it’s by someone entirely new. One thing is for sure: a book read once is no longer new, but new things can be found in the same pages. Love’s a threading theme run rampant, but there’s so many ways to spin it out.

In the words of the wise New Englander, Robert Frost: “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”

Reflections

     When I think about where I was at this time last year, I'm amazed at how things turned out, considering just how conflicted and confusing things were. This time last year, I said so many goodbyes, and until several months ago, I lived with regret over them. Now, having grown so much from the person I was just a short year ago, I see how one honestly can't live with regret. Those goodbyes meant that last month, I was able to say "hello" and mean it. That's empowering.

     There's a quote that goes something like "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us," and I think that's really apt to so many situations in life. Admit to yourself daily that things don't last forever. Don't try to hang onto people, because people change, and that's okay, because you do, too. Grow with the people who are going the same direction as you. Don't fight the current just for the sake of fighting it: have a purpose.

     The biggest difference between this time last year and this year for me was learning to think for myself. You'd be surprised at how many of your "original thoughts" actually originate in someone else's head. #inception. We naturally hold our friends in high esteem, sure; they're our friends for a reason. But don't forgo your own thoughts and feelings for someone else's. Nobody wins. I mean, I'm not saying I blunder through life ignoring what people say (at least not everyday!) but I can't stress enough how important it is to take time to think critically about how you feel. Start with the small things, like picking out a unique style of clothing just because you like it, or whatever it is you like best. It'll help when you get to the big things, like knowing when to use advice, and when to consider the source.

      I'm also a huge fan of this little writing exercise: If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, I would say:__________. I'd tell myself "change is okay." Humans are creatures of habit. How many times have you found yourself naturally gravitating towards the same seat on the bus, or in class, or in the cafeteria? I think so much changed for me last year at once that I wanted at least one rock to hang onto; one tangible thing to grasp while internal and external forces around me shook. It's funny how humans are primordially designed to want sameness, when honestly, the best thing I found was the beauty in being different, and the joy in letting go.

Currently, I'm procrastinating my last research paper of the semester and the fact that I have to study for finals. I guess some things never change. :)

Here's some music to get you through these last few days.

Cheers! --L.N.V.


 This next video's a real gem: A video clip and music by Hudson. First chance I get, I'm going to Australia, you guys. They can't keep hiding all of this indie talent from me forever.

Dream Chasing

At my campus job, one of the activities my co-workers and I engaged in is something called a "pat bag." We each took a brown paper bag and wrote our name on it, and then taped it upside-right to the wall. Throughout the week, we wrote each other little notes (signed or anonymous) saying things we noticed that the person did well at our job, kind of like a written "pat on the back". At the end of the week, we took the bags home and got to read all of the lovely things people said.

One of my friends closed her note to me with a phrase I won't soon forget:
"Keep on chasing down your passion like the last bus of the night." 
That was in June.

In August, one of the editors of my college's campus newspaper contacted me, offering me a position to write about music for the Opinion section of the paper. She had seen this blog, and liked my style; both my writing and my flare for music. I spastically flailed my arms around after I read the email and wanted to stop people in the streets to tell them how excited I was. It's like booking your first gig at a tiny coffee house: even though only a few people are going to be there when you play, and even fewer will care, you're out of the garage, and you get a small taste of the reality of what it is you love to do.

My column is called "Put Your Records On" (the title was created by my editor, and I think it is wonderful!) It's only around 300 words for the weekly publication, but it's a blast because I get to talk about something I love. Tomorrow, my article will be in the first printing of the campus newspaper for the semester.

Some might say that this small-time success is pointless. I say cheer up, buttercup. One small step for another is one giant leap for L.V. (look at this kid, mixing her metaphors like that. She's gone mad!)

 Maybe you're wondering, "well, that's cool and all, but what does any of this have to do with me?"
Here's a few tips for pursuing (and hopefully, capturing!) that often elusive creature, success:

1. Find something you love, and throw yourself into it. You don't even have to be good at it to begin, you just have to love it. Enjoying what you do increases your chances of wanting to learn everything about your chosen activity and how to do it well.

2. Do you, dude. Whatever it is you choose to do, do it for you. Don't write, play, or create for other people. Make yourself happy with your work first, and the rest will follow.

3. Stay true. Once you've established your activity, don't lose yourself to it, or let other people change you because of it. Keep it simple: just do what you love, stop when you don't love it, and don't let negative influences tell you otherwise.

That's about all I've got for tonight. My Shakespeare homework is calling me...

Anyways, whatever you do, wherever you are, whatever it is you love, I hope you get the chance to share it with your world, whether that's through your personal website, your school, or even with a bunch of your closest friends.

"Keep on chasing down your passion like the last bus of the night." Remember that. 

Hard Work Pays Off (more often than not)

 Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.

This past week at school was incredible. It was transformative, inspirational, heartrending, and eye-opening. It was the culmination of everything I have been striving towards in terms of learning about how to better interact with people.
First and foremost though, none of the experiences I had could have been possible without hard work. My day started at 6 am, and ended sometime around 4:30 pm. Of course there were hours upon hours spent bonding with the people I worked with, so by the time we finished playing games, talking, or sharing stories, it was midnight or later, and we'd have to be up early again to do it all over.It was a lot of work for me as an individual to want to put myself out there every time, and talk to people I didn't know on a deeper level than I'm used to.
I wouldn't change it though. I'd say it was all worth it, and that hard work really payed off there.

As for my friends at home, well, let's just say we'd need more than a week to get things sorted out.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow: day camp counselor. I can't wait to see what sort of experiences are in store for me.

5 More Things I've Learned

 Learning doesn't only take place in the classroom. If you live life right, you learn something new everyday. This summer, my school has been the relationships I have with other people and my friends. I considered myself to be a socially capable person, but relationships that have depth and meaning are complex, and are a totally different breed of interaction from small talk made at a party.

Here's what I learned this week: 
1. Difficulties exist to be surmounted.

2. If you want something done right, do it yourself. Whether it's a job, or communicating with other people, cut the middle man.

3. Actions speak louder than words. So many times have I heard this as I went through school, but now more than ever, I see how much attempting counts, even if I fail. It's better than never starting and always wondering what would have happened.

4. Respect: another grade-school hallmark. Respect relationships with other people by being clear with them of your intentions, whatever they may be. Respect yourself by telling others that they need to be honest with you and to consider your feelings.

5. When you have committed a wrong, admit it. Correct it, if you can. Apologize, and mean it. Even if it is not accepted right away, if you truly apologize, you will have done the best you can for the time that it is.